Are you seeking a deeper relationship with your child?
Have you wondered what is happening behind the door of your child’s therapy sessions? What skills are the therapist using that you as the parent might also be able to implement at home to strengthen your child-parent relationship? Let this no longer be a mystery! The following is a set of beliefs and skills geared to help you improve your connection with your child the same way therapists do!
Set Up: For the best results, use these skills consistently in at least 45-60 minutes of play, once per week, with your child without phones or electronic devices. Recommended Toy List Here: https://cpt.unt.edu/recommended-toy-list
1. Play is a child’s natural language- The first place we begin is an understanding that children are not born with extensive vocabulary and process life through play.
2. Focus on child’s strengths and needs, not the problem- We are aware of the “problems”, but we explore the “solutions” by first understanding what a child’s needs actually are. No child wants to “act out”. All children want to succeed. It is a matter of what tools they already have and building upon those natural resiliencies.
3. Be reflective not reactive- Your child may ask you to play imaginatively with them at first, but a phenomenon happens when they begin to play without your direct engagement. This means they feel heard and secure. You can do this by narrating or reflecting what you are seeing in their behaviors, their emotions, their character’s needs or thoughts. They will correct you if you get it wrong.
4. Use attentive body language- Make sure you are following your child with your eyes, shoulders, and even the direction of your knees and feet.
5. Extend patience and acceptance to yourself- Sometimes it’s difficult to see the themes our children play out and not take it personally. Remember, this is their special time and you may also need some time for yourself too.
6. Set limits when limits are needed- Do not list out a bunch of rules before your “special play” time starts. Instead, address them when it comes up using the following formula.
A. Acknowledge the Emotion: You are really excited about that dart gun!
C. Communicate the Limit: But the darts are not for shooting mommy in the face.
T. Target Alternatives: You may shoot at the dolls or stuffed animals instead. (Bratton et. al. 2006)
7. When a child is feeling upset or out of control, do not try to impart a rule or teach a lesson- Reflect emotions and behaviors. You can learn a lot by understanding their attempts at regulating themselves.
8. Never do for your child that which they can do for themselves- If a child asks you to help put on the doll’s shoes, encourage them to try or reflect that they’re not sure right now. Let them get frustrated. Some parents don’t want their child to feel abandoned, but children enjoy the sense of empowerment once they are able to find a solution themselves too.
9. Encourage their efforts rather than praise the outcomes- Reflect on the emotional regulation it took them throughout their play. “You weren’t sure which shoe was left or right. I saw you cross your arms and jump up and down. That was tough. Then you switched the shoes around!”
10. It is not about you understanding what the child is trying to process- Instead, it’s about allowing a safe place for them to work through it themselves. If they tell you a certain animal reminds you of a family member, do not make assumptions about that person. Again, a child’s world of play is for them to understand and process. We are merely the neutral, unbiased facilitators. (Bratton et. al. 2006)
In closing, these are the top ten beliefs and skills therapists use when working with children in play therapy sessions. Specific benefits for their uses in the child-parent relationship include:
1. Establishing “I’m here for you. I hear you. I understand. I care about you” attitudes with your child.
2. Conveying “You’re accepted, understood, and valued” towards your child.
3. Empowering your child by respecting their autonomy through intentional reflective statements.
4. Building a sense of trust, security, and closeness with your child.
5. Increase the level of playfulness and enjoyment between parent and child. (Bratton et. al. 2006)
If you are looking for a therapist to work with your child through use of play therapy or you yourself as a parent are hoping to strengthen your connection with your child(ren), consider reaching out for a free consultation today!
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
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