Self-Criticism Isn’t Working! How to Stay Motivated.

Many people, especially neurodivergent individuals, know what it’s like to use anxiety as fuel. There’s a certain urgency that kicks in when self-criticism takes the wheel — the voice that says, “You have to get this done, or else.” It can feel like this critical, anxiety-driven motivation is the only thing keeping you moving. After all, if you stop being hard on yourself, will anything get done?

It’s easy to believe that stress is necessary to be productive. But the constant push of anxiety comes at a cost. Over time, it drains your energy, dulls your enjoyment, and leaves you feeling like you’re never doing enough. Even when tasks are completed, the relief is temporary — just long enough for the next wave of worry to arrive.

A better way!

But what if there was another way? Instead of working against yourself, you could work with yourself — building motivation through self-compassion, curiosity, and choice. It’s possible to get things done without using fear as your driving force.

A powerful shift begins when you recognize that you’re not as powerless as anxiety would have you believe. The tasks on your list aren’t demands imposed upon you; they are choices. Whether it’s paying bills, exercising, or responding to emails, you have agency in how, when, and why you approach them. Reframing these tasks as choices instead of obligations allows you to step back and ask:

“Do I want to do this? Why is this important to me?”

This doesn’t mean every task suddenly becomes enjoyable. Some responsibilities are tedious or difficult. But even then, connecting to a sense of purpose can soften the resentment and resistance. Maybe you don’t want to fold laundry, but you do want to relax in a clean space. Maybe you’d rather skip that morning walk, but you know from experience how energized you’ll feel afterward. When you acknowledge the positive outcomes of your actions, motivation becomes something to lean into, not something to fight against.

Letting go of anxiety-driven productivity also means challenging the belief that everything must be done perfectly. Perfectionism convinces you that if you don’t push yourself to your limits, the result won’t be good enough and robs you of the satisfaction in appreciating your efforts. But the truth is, most things don’t require perfection — they require completion. Deciding what “good enough” looks like can free you from the paralysis of trying to meet impossible standards.

At the heart of this shift is self-compassion. Many people fear that being kind to themselves means they’ll become lazy or complacent. But self-compassion isn’t about making excuses; it’s about recognizing your limits and encouraging yourself through the hard moments. Instead of “Why am I so bad at this?” you might say, “This is tough, but I’m doing my best.” You can acknowledge your efforts instead of minimizing them. You can celebrate progress instead of chasing impossible perfection.

Over time, this kinder inner dialogue builds resilience. It creates a foundation of trust within yourself — knowing that you can face challenges without breaking yourself down in the process. Most importantly, it allows you to experience joy in your accomplishments, not just relief that they’re over.

Deep Breath

So, the next time you feel anxiety rising as motivation, pause. Take a breath and ask yourself, “What am I choosing to do right now? Why does it matter to me?” Let your choices be guided by a sense of self-respect and care. You don’t have to fight yourself to get things done. You can work alongside yourself, and that’s a much more sustainable way forward.

Therapy can be an invaluable space for exploring and shifting these patterns. If you’ve spent years relying on anxiety and self-criticism as motivators, it’s understandable that the idea of doing things differently might feel uncomfortable — even risky. A therapist can help you notice the beliefs that keep you stuck in this cycle.

Through therapy, you can build a stronger connection to your values — the things that truly matter to you, beyond the pressures of perfectionism or external expectations. You can practice self-compassion in real-time, learning how to respond to your inner critic with curiosity instead of judgment. Together, you and your therapist can explore what a sustainable, supportive relationship with motivation looks like for you. Whether it’s unpacking the roots of self-criticism, experimenting with new ways of approaching tasks, or celebrating moments of self-kindness, therapy offers the space and guidance to shift from working against yourself to working with yourself.

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