“Sit with that feeling” is a common therapy phrase used as an invitation for clients to begin developing acceptance towards feelings and emotions in the present moment. But what does sitting with a feeling actually look like?
There are a variety of ways to begin exploring our own feelings and emotions. One of the first skills that can be helpful in beginning this process is to practice sitting with an uncomfortable feeling. But this brings up another question - why is it so difficult to sit with our emotions? As humans, our nervous system is made up of signals or alarms that often want to protect us from any distress, pain or discomfort. When we feel unsafe, our natural instinct is to guard ourselves from these emotions by avoiding, suppressing or numbing them. This evolves into maladaptive, unhealthy or temporary coping mechanisms. The role of society, culture, and intergenerational trauma can also impact the way we learn to cope with emotions.
Emotions can be messengers from our inner selves and core beliefs. They help guide us to stay connected with our needs, values, past experiences, including trauma ones. The goal of sitting with a feeling is to provide an opportunity to allow emotions to simply exist and be heard, without judgment - here are a few tips to begin learning how to sit with a feeling.
Acknowledge the feeling
The first step is to slow down and begin learning to notice that something feels off, even if you can’t quite figure it out.
2. Name the feeling
Once you recognize that you are feeling something, the next step is to try to name it. Sometimes we aren’t able to figure out exactly what we are feeling, so we can start small. Is the feeling good, neutral, or bad? Be curious about the feeling. A feelings wheel or chart can also be helpful at this point.
3. Notice where you’re feeling it
Have your body help you figure out what you’re experiencing and how you feel. Where in your body does the feeling come from? Does it feel heavy, tingly, rough, spiky, or hot, etc? Use some descriptive language to investigate the feeling paired with the body part. For example, anxiety can present itself as chest tightness or fluttering in the stomach.
4. Breathe
Now that we’ve found the feeling and named it, take some time to really sit with it while using your breath as your anchor. Try holding your hand over that body sensation and taking a short inhale in and full, long exhale out (negative breathing). Any breathing technique you find helpful can work. Does the feeling change as you sit with it? Do you notice another sensation you weren’t aware of before? Remember that the feeling won’t last forever.
5. Practice self-compassion
Give yourself some grace and patience. It’s okay to feel sad or scared. Emotions are hard and painful at times. Feeling and sitting with your emotions is a skill that takes time and practice.
While the process of sitting with feelings can be a complicated one, therapists can help guide you through it. If you are interested in starting therapy, contact us to schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists.